My mother and I were discussing what I’m going to go into at university. When I told her that I want to, and I’m going to, be a shrink, she didn’t believe me. She laughed and told me:
But you would make an awful therapist!
Me: Mom. I want to help kids and teenagers that went through the crap I did.
My Mother: What are you talking about? You’ve never had your heart broken, you’ve never str-
Me: Freshmen year, my best friend lied to me. He convinced me he liked me and, in return, I started to like him too. He was lying. He got what he wanted. He left. For four months, I sat there. Waiting. Waiting for him to come back and tell me he still loved me. But he was a liar. He sent me into depression. As I waited, I sat there, razor in hand, and trailed my skin with it, daring myself to press down. I contemplated suicide so many times. I distanced myself from everyone. They would all just leave me as he did. I thought there had to be something wrong with me that caused him to leave. No no, it wasn’t just a game to him, but it was me. I was a mistake. I was stupid. Worthless. Fat. Ugly. I hated myself. My thoughts drove myself to struggle with anorexia. Countless times, I sat by the toilet, trying to decide whether or not I should force up the food that I rarely consumed. And then, after those months of hating myself, I had one true moment of happiness. I will never forget how wonderful that felt to finally enjoy life, if only for a second, after feeling so worthless. I continued to struggle with depression, anorexia, bulimia, and cutting for almost two years. But I got through it. Alone. Mom, you were never there for me. You never noticed, or if you did, you never cared about my depression. This is why I want to go into this form of psychology: I want to be there for kids and teenagers that hate themselves, and starve themselves, and cut themselves, and just want to end their lives. I want to be the one to prove to them that their existence matters, that they are so precious and wonderful. I want to do what you could never do for me- I want to help them.
My mother stood there, in awe, at what I just told her. I told her not to ask any questions. I wouldn’t let her. But, for some reason, I’m happy she knows this now.